Based on popular Psychologist Albert Ellis’ findings, it has been stated that a small number of beliefs underlie unhelpful emotions and behaviors.

The core beliefs are a set of underlying rules or codes which guide us on how we react to certain events or circumstances we are put in during our lives. Ellis has identified a trend with his findings with a set of behaviors and attitudes out of these self-defeating rules.

1. I need everyone’s approval.

People pleasers are found everywhere. People pleasers tend to say yes to everyone and everything, regardless of whether they want to or not.

People pleasers tend to perpetually lie in order to fit into narratives and demands. They tend to agree with opinions they do not agree with, complimenting people even though they do not want to, and say things they believe others around them want to hear.

They may even attend social events which they do not want to or are not comfortable being present at.

Why do people compromise their own sincerity, integrity, and authenticity to please other people?

It is because they believe that their opinions, needs, thoughts, as well as their whole persona are not good enough. They usually come from backgrounds where parents, guardians, or any authority figure emotionally or physically abused them as well as rejected them, which results in a desire in adulthood to seek any form of approval, regardless of its legitimacy.

I must do well and win the approval of others for my performances or else I am no good.

Believing that one’s value is dependent on never failing or always being approved by others.

2. I must avoid being disliked by anyone.

To avoid being disliked, they tend to maintain friendships with individuals they do not personally like or may be overly friendly with people who clearly dislike them, which means that they may go out of their way to buy things for them, compliment them, as well as striking up a conversation. Once again, being this way is inauthentic and deceitful, but most of the time people do not act this way out of bad intentions, they are merely trying to disprove their deep-seated belief that they may be unkind, nasty, horrible, or boring individuals which nobody liked and who do not deserve friendship or love.

Other people must treat me considerately, fairly and kindly, and in exactly the way I want them to treat me. If they don’t, they are no good and they deserve to be condemned and punished.

• Expecting others to behave as we want them to and condemning them if they do not.

3. I must succeed in everything I do to be valuable.

Most individuals are addicted to success, usually because they have a deep-seated core belief that they are a failure.

Their parents or teachers might have made them feel like nothing that they ever did was good enough, so this resulted in them spending the rest of their adulthood trying to out-work this core belief. This results in individuals being burnt out, overworked, and stressed.

Rather than defining success as being true to our values, authentic, as well as living with integrity, they tend to define success as money, career , social status, materialism, and grades.

I must get what I want, when I want it; and I must not get what I don’t want.

• The belief that one’s happiness is solely dependent on external circumstances and specific outcomes.

4. It is not okay to make mistakes. If I do, I am a bad person.

Progression in life relies heavily on our ability to learn lessons from the risks that we take and the mistakes that we make.

Unfortunately, there are millions of people who will never step outside their comfort zone in order to take risks because they believe that every mistake will define who they are and their capabilities in life. They see mistakes not as learning opportunities but as markers of their own incapabilities and insufficiencies.

It is terrible and catastrophic when things are not the way I would very much like them to be.

5. Other people should strive to ensure that

I am always happy.

The false belief that outside events control our happiness and that we have no power over our own emotions.

When people don’t act as we expect them to, we often feel hurt and offended. We complain when someone says something offensive and hold onto anger because we think they should be more thoughtful. This upset can ruin our day or even longer. It’s easy to become self-absorbed and forget our own goals and values because we focus too much on our own feelings and needs without really thinking about the other person’s situation.

6. People who do not make me happy should be punished.

Many people want revenge when they’ve been hurt, hoping that the person who hurt them will suffer too. While it’s normal to feel this way in extreme situations, it’s not a healthy response. It’s even worse when this desire for revenge affects our everyday interactions with people who haven’t actually wronged us, but simply didn’t please us.

There is an extreme form of self-importance that involves believing our dissatisfaction should be put on trial and whoever caused it should be punished.

Your happiness and pleasure are not the responsibility of anyone, and they are not any more important than the happiness of other individuals.

Other people’s disturbances are horrible and I have to feel upset about them.

The false belief that one must take on others problems or emotions.

The false belief that there is a perfect solution to every problem and it’s catastrophic if not found.

7.Things must work out the way I want them to.

While it’s good to set realistic and positive goals for yourself, placing too much importance on expectations can be harmful.

People who think like this believe everything should be exactly as they want it — like having a specific kind of job, a partner who looks a certain way, or getting certain reactions from others…as they focus so much on their ideal outcomes, they often fail to appreciate things as they actually are.

I must be thoroughly competent, intelligent, and achieving in all possible respects if I am to consider myself adequate and worthwhile.

We would all be happier if we stopped expecting so much from processes, people, life paths, careers, experiences, and objects.

It is easier to avoid than face life difficulties and self-responsibilities.

False Belief :

• Believing that avoidance will make problems go away rather than dealing with them directly.

8. My emotions are illnesses which I cannot control.

People might start believing that their emotions are uncontrollable illnesses that define them, and that drugs or therapy are their only ways to manage their mental health.

While medication is crucial in severe cases and therapy can benefit everyone occasionally, these do not have to dictate your entire life.

Your mental health condition isn’t a life sentence; it doesn’t define or permanently restrict you.

Among all the health issues we might face, mental health is one where we can exert the most control. While medications and therapy are helpful tools, ultimately, you hold the greatest influence over your own mental well-being.

Taking responsibility is key to gaining control over our minds. Otherwise, we risk remaining powerless and dependent on external help.

9. Everyone needs to rely on someone stronger than them.

Many of us often attribute another person as the reason for our emotional and psychological difficulties. We might say, “I’m this way because someone important left me,” or “I’m like this because someone close to me was overly critical.” This habit of placing blame allows us to avoid taking responsibility for our own actions and perpetuating negative behaviors and attitudes.

I must be dependent on others and need them as I cannot run my own life.

The false belief that one needs others to survive and is incapable of self-reliance.

10. I can feel happy in life without contributing back in some way.

We are all creative people in our own ways. However, our beliefs are what limit our creative power.

Sometimes individuals live life in order to try to get more stuff to feel more fulfilled rather than producing more things.

🔥Unless we focus on giving back in life and giving ourselves out into this world, we will only ever seek to feed an ever-hungry consumption, which may never leave you feeling happy or even satisfied in the long run🔥

11. Events in my past are to blame for my attitudes and behaviors today.

While our pasts do influence our beliefs, they do not control them. We cannot blame the past for our present situation.

We are responsible for managing our present and choosing what lessons we take from our past.

Beliefs are not automatic; they develop over time and are often supported by past “evidence. Therefore, people need to focus on understanding the smaller components of their beliefs, giving them the choice to reassess and reconstruct the messages they take from their pasts into new, helpful beliefs.

12. My future outcomes will be the same as my past outcomes.

The past could never reflect the future, no matter how convincing the evidence may be or how frequently it occurs. It is important for us to appreciate the present and commit to a life of living the best without allowing the shadows of the past to taint our present day and potentially spoil our future.

False belief, What happened in the past will inevitably repeat itself.

• Assuming that past events will continue to occur in the same pattern.

13. I should not have to feel sadness, discomfort, or pain.

No matter how positive our outlook on life may be, we cannot always expect to live a life free from any form of sadness, pain, grief, stress, and struggles even though an individual may have gone through a lot.

Our negative emotions are a part of our life. However, being able to relate to yourself more accurately will help you manage and cope with these upsetting and disturbing life events that occur.

In life, we are not entitled to anything. Entitlement is a self-consumed, irresponsible fantasy concept which does not necessarily have any basis.

Placing unrealistic demands on oneself to be perfect in all aspects.

14. Believing Inactivity and Passive Enjoyment Can Maximize Happiness.

False Belief:

• Assuming that happiness comes from doing nothing or indulging oneself without effort or commitment.

Ellis suggested that by challenging and changing these beliefs, individuals could reduce emotional distress and adopt behaviors that contribute to significant self-improvement.